Corny Office Phrases that annoy me [Archive]

malik641

09-04-2007, 12:29 PM

What are the corny office phrases that annoy you the most?

Here is a few that annoy me:

Are you having fun yet?
You know, I had so much fun today I think I'll be back tomorrow.
(If you're temporarily sitting in a co-workers desk - say, named Bob) Hey Bob! Boy, you sure gained some weight/you cut your hair!/you look different/etc.
Even if you have one that isn't so common and needs some explanation, post it anyway! Let's hear it!

TrippyTom

09-04-2007, 12:54 PM

"That's a no-brainer".
"Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays" (famous phrase immortalized from the movie Office Space, but it still annoys me)

The other thing that really irks me to no end is the continual petitions for money and if you don't contribute, you're looked down on as sub-human.

Brandtrock

09-04-2007, 10:32 PM

As I am a night owl and not a morning person,

"Good Morning!"

which I usually replied to with,

"I'll concede morning, check back on the good part after lunch."

mvidas

09-05-2007, 05:22 AM

"(Hot|Cold) enough for you?"
"Sure hope this rain keeps up! Then it wont come down!"
"How are you?" / "Whats up?" / "Hows it going?" while walking without stopping/slowing for an answer

malik641

09-05-2007, 10:19 AM

"It's going to be a LOOOOOONG day today."
"It's only 3 o'clock?! Geez, it feels like it should be 5 already."
"It's not 5 o'clock yet?!"
"Where does the time go?" (My Answer: Nowhere. Time is here to stay. Until the end of time. Now stop asking me. lol)

lucas

09-05-2007, 10:25 AM

To the common question: Are you done yet? I like to reply: All I like is finishing.

malik641

09-05-2007, 01:45 PM

To the common question: Are you done yet? I like to reply: All I like is finishing.
I sometimes reply: You'll have it by the second Tuesday of next week :)

They never get it, though...

malik641

09-05-2007, 02:11 PM

They never get it, though...
LOL The joke, I meant. They never get the joke.

lucas

09-05-2007, 04:14 PM

I was sure I understood you until you clarified it..

Bob Phillips

09-10-2007, 01:46 AM

Holistiv view ...

At the end of the day ...

Look at the whole picture ...

Up to (some number) ... OR more!

and any number of meaningles corporate spaek (that thankfully I don't have to endure anymore).

aja

09-10-2007, 06:49 AM

"pull your trousers back up!" hate it when my boss says that every morning!

shades

09-12-2007, 06:11 AM

"Are we all on the same page?"

When greeting people, I often just say "Howdy" - they don't really want an answer to their greeting ("How's it going?"), and this avoids any commitment on either side.

malik641

09-12-2007, 06:34 AM

"Are we all on the same page?"

When greeting people, I often just say "Howdy" - they don't really want an answer to their greeting ("How's it going?"), and this avoids any commitment on either side. Speaking of greetings. I always find it hilarious when somebody sees another person they haven't seen in a long time. The conversation usually starts out like:

John: "Jeff?"
Jeff: "Hey!!!"
John: "Wow man, long time no see."
Jeff: "I know. I know. What's up? How've you been?"
John: "Ah you know, same old stuff. What's up with you?"
Jeff: "Same here. Same here Yeah..."
John: "Yeah..."
Jeff: "..."
John: "So what's up?"
Jeff: "Ah you know, kids are growing up so fast. It's hard to keep up. Wife's doing good."
John: "uh-huh...right..."
Jeff: "So what's up with you?"

:rotlaugh:
And they keep saying "how's it going" or "what's up?" or "what's going on?". And the answer is always "nothing much" until about 3 or 4 answers.

They always notice when I burst out in laughter at the fact that they have nothing interesting to say (or they don't want to say anything).

Oh, and to add to the phrases:
[let's say you walked away from the office for like 2 minutes]
"Hey! Long time no see, huh?"

Why doesn't anybody have anything interesting to say? Are they really this boring?

mvidas

09-12-2007, 08:58 AM

"Do the math"

malik641

09-12-2007, 09:07 AM

The acronym A.S.A.P.

:motz2:I'm so sick of that.

mvidas

09-12-2007, 09:10 AM

I don't mind the acronym, its when people say Asap as a single word that starts to get to me. Like when someone says Lol (Laul).

Buzzwords in general get to me too, when I hear an executive use the word Synergy it makes me cringe

shades

09-12-2007, 11:57 AM

Or this one:

"Everyone has to be a team player!"

Duh!

Brandtrock

09-12-2007, 12:18 PM

"Do the math"

So you go to your undersized and overcrowded cubicle, perform some elegant data mining, throw in a little raw country wisdom, make a chart (and at least in my case, spend a good while on Andy Pope's or Jon Peltier's site figuring out how to make it look the way I was hoping it would look when I started), apply some professional looking formats, print out your work in triplicate, walk into the bosses office ready to impress, and the reply you get is:

"I'm ot really a math person."

Any subsequent attempt to explain the analysis in layman's terms is met with an air of disinterest. You finally leave, dejected and perhaps even a wee bit angry that you did what you thought was wanted only to basically get mocked and belittled. Once back at your PC, you find your file and wistfully at first, but vengefully at last, hit the Delete key.

10 minutes later, your boss buzzes your desk asking you to "Bring that analysis into my office so we can show Joe VP what I was thinking."

You log on to Southwest Airlines website thinking their line of commercials asking, "Do you ever want to get away for a while?" are sheer genius.

shades

09-12-2007, 03:52 PM

Any subsequent attempt to explain the analysis in layman's terms is met with an air of disinterest. You finally leave, dejected and perhaps even a wee bit angry that you did what you thought was wanted only to basically get mocked and belittled. Once back at your PC, you find your file and wistfully at first, but vengefully at last, hit the Delete key.

10 minutes later, your boss buzzes your desk asking you to "Bring that analysis into my office so we can show Joe VP what I was thinking."

You log on to Southwest Airlines website thinking their line of commercials asking, "Do you ever want to get away for a while?" are sheer genius.

I learned early on, never to delete a requested project, I just archive it with date attached. Your scenario is played out more than we even imagine.

Bob Phillips

09-13-2007, 02:23 AM

So you go to your undersized and overcrowded cubicle, perform some elegant data mining, throw in a little raw country wisdom, make a chart (and at least in my case, spend a good while on Andy Pope's or Jon Peltier's site figuring out how to make it look the way I was hoping it would look when I started), apply some professional looking formats, print out your work in triplicate, walk into the bosses office ready to impress, and the reply you get is:

"I'm ot really a math person."

Any subsequent attempt to explain the analysis in layman's terms is met with an air of disinterest. You finally leave, dejected and perhaps even a wee bit angry that you did what you thought was wanted only to basically get mocked and belittled. Once back at your PC, you find your file and wistfully at first, but vengefully at last, hit the Delete key.

10 minutes later, your boss buzzes your desk asking you to "Bring that analysis into my office so we can show Joe VP what I was thinking."

You log on to Southwest Airlines website thinking their line of commercials asking, "Do you ever want to get away for a while?" are sheer genius.

But I have always found that to be an opportunity (see, I've absorbed the gobbledygook!). It usually takes much less time, all the research and delving has been done, and invariably it is designed better when you start off knowing how to do it. Net result, yes some redundant time, but a better product.

malik641

09-18-2007, 06:24 AM

...When people hum songs or worse, whistle songs :angry2:

When they whistle, I whistle louder than them. Then they stop...I guess only one person is allowed to whistle at a time :devil2:

shades

09-18-2007, 06:09 PM

The woman in the next cube comes in every morning and uses hair spray - lots of it. My coughing every time has not seemed to phase her.

malik641

09-18-2007, 07:11 PM

You should cough on her then....then let us know what happens hahaha

shades

09-26-2007, 08:20 AM

Better solution: I am being transferred to another building.

That'll teach her! :rofl:

Charlize

10-01-2007, 12:28 AM

What are you doing ?is just one of the many phrases I get on a daily basis. Off course I have to answer this one (to be polite).
Possible answers that I give :
- I'm working ...
- I'm enjoying myself to be here at work
- I'm doing nothing at all ...
- I'm wasting my time here.
- ...
Another one that the bosses like to use
Are we working today ?Answers :
- I haven't got time to waste my time to check other people ... (and that was still a friendly reply)
- ...

Brandtrock

10-01-2007, 04:20 PM

Around the time I got married nearly 20 years ago, when land lines were "all the rage" in telephone communication, my in-laws would call up...

Me: "Hello."
In-law: "Are ya there?"

I wanted to set my answering machine to:

"Hello."

Pause for the standard in-law question

"We're actually gone. If all you needed was to ask a stupid question, please hang up and call again in a few weeks. If you actually needed something, please leave a message and we'll call when we get back."

Of course, my wife vetoed that plan and I couldn't garner enough support to override the veto. :rofl:

With the advent of our change to individual cell phones, I don't have to field any of the calls from that side of the family any longer. Woo Hoo!!!!

Bob Phillips

10-02-2007, 03:19 AM

Of course, my wife vetoed that plan and I couldn't garner enough support to override the veto.

Surely, if she has a veto, it is impossible to over-turn it, no matter how much support that you garner. A veto is ... a veto.

Aussiebear

10-02-2007, 04:46 AM

is just one of the many phrases I get on a daily basis. Off course I have to answer this one (to be polite).
Possible answers that I give :
- I'm working ...
- I'm enjoying myself to be here at work
- I'm doing nothing at all ...
- I'm wasting my time here.
- ...
Another one that the bosses like to useAnswers :
- I haven't got time to waste my time to check other people ... (and that was still a friendly reply)
- ...

I use "Breathing"

Brandtrock

10-02-2007, 12:49 PM

Surely, if she has a veto, it is impossible to over-turn it, no matter how much support that you garner. A veto is ... a veto.

Point well taken Bob.

As any married man should realize, the cost of winning an argument, no matter how right you may be, is not worth the price you will pay. :bug::bug:

shades

10-03-2007, 08:54 PM

Point well taken Bob.

As any married man should realize, the cost of winning an argument, no matter how right you may be, is not worth the price you will pay. :bug::bug:

But I can't imagine your wife ever being wrong! :rofl:

BTW, say "Hi!" to her for me, and let her know I posted it. :whistle:

Brandtrock

10-04-2007, 10:06 PM

But I can't imagine your wife ever being wrong! :rofl:

BTW, say "Hi!" to her for me, and let her know I posted it. :whistle:

Brenda says, "Tell Rich, thank you and Hi from all of us."

Regards,

shades

10-05-2007, 09:31 AM

Greet her and the three boys. Have they recovered from your summer trip?

BTW, I have had BBQ there 2-3 times since you were. You would think with more than 100 BBQ places, I could be more original. :D

Brandtrock

10-05-2007, 02:10 PM

The boys have recovered from the summer nicely and are really wound up today as it is the end of the 1st quarter at school. This isn't like the end of the 1st quarter when I had to go to school so long ago (they actually taught us subject matter all 180 days of the school year back then), they get a school wide party topped off by an early release AND a ten calendar day FALL break. How ridiculous is that?

I guess I'll be busy the next week to 10 days!!!

:devil2::devil2::devil2:

Bryce, Bret & Brock

:banghead::whip

Me Brenda

As far as that restaurant goes, it is kinda like VBA Express. There may be other places you can get similar food/info but when you find a place where you like the people, the service, and the food/info then you stay put.

Regards

malik641

10-06-2007, 06:06 PM

Wow, that's a whole lot of B's

Bryce Brandt
Bret Brandt
Brock Brandt
Brenda Brandt
TJ Brandt

:)

Brandtrock

10-06-2007, 08:40 PM

Wow, that's a whole lot of B's

Bryce Brandt
Bret Brandt
Brock Brandt
Brenda Brandt
TJ Brandt

:)

Well Joseph,

Her maiden name is Brunsen,
her brother is Brian Brunsen who has 3 sons
Brent Brunsen
Brody Brunsen
Brian Thomas (BT) Brunsen

What did our parents do to us to make us hate them so much? :rofl::devil2::rofl:

All of them respond to, "Hey, you!" at the family reunions.

Aussiebear

10-08-2007, 02:22 AM

..and I thought it was just an Aussie custom... (sigh)

shades

10-08-2007, 09:41 AM

In our family it was R's, and now with our children (and DIL), grandchildren, they are all A's. Excep they live in Georgia... so it is Ya'll or if everyone is needed, All Ya'll.

OTWarrior

11-05-2007, 08:29 AM

The phrase I hate is "Sorry to bother you..." often from someone who has a minor problem that is easy to fix, but they think it is a huge deal. And is it often a task that i normally do in my job.

It phrase just sounds so wishy-washy, I'd much rather they say "Can you look at this" or "I need you help". Often the phrase bothers me more than the task

malik641

03-07-2008, 07:49 AM

Just thought of another that really irritates me.

"We've always done it that way."

Oh man do I not like this sentence at all. It is the most annoying, dismissive comment to receive when asking why something is done the way it is. I have never said this to anyone without following up with "..because of x, y and z".

ugh...

OTWarrior

03-07-2008, 08:41 AM

I hate that one!! we have a problem with our system, where some of the users do things one way, and the rest do it another. The people doing it wrong say "we have always done it that way" or even better, they'll ask for my help, then tell me I am wrong :rolleyes:

Sometimes I like to have a little bit of fun with people who ask for my help...
They'll say "the database has frozen" to which i'll respond with either:
"What did you do to it?" (if I know the person well)
or
"What were you doing at the time?" (so I diagnose the problem) often with this later one they just say "I don't know!!"

...if they don't know what they are doing, I think that is the problem ;)

Another great one "Have you done it yet?" (this is usually asked 5 minutes after they wanted me to do something, and the task is to completely create a report, including the query, and including it on a form in Access). Best response is..."I'll let you know as soon as I am finished!"

shades

03-08-2008, 08:27 AM

malik641

03-08-2008, 07:48 PM

What? You been attending our churches? :rofl: :bug:

:hi:
:rotlaugh:Nice one!

When it comes to stuff like that, I find myself amazed at how much we truly don't know.

Hoopsah

06-17-2008, 02:04 AM

Sorry for resurrecting this ;)

Whenever I attend a meeting in here and a discussion about my job comes up, invariably one of the managers will say - "We should discuss this off-line"

I'm not on fu**ing line at the moment - what are you talking about??? (The true answer is probably, "I don't know what you mean and I don't want to look like an eejit in front of other managers"

Another, probably a goldie, but when people come to me and say "Can I ask you a question?" to which I reply "You just did!"

Bob Phillips

06-17-2008, 05:05 AM

No, what it means it that ' ... I have something to say that you aren't going to like and I am not going to havea row in public'.

OTWarrior

06-17-2008, 06:25 AM

ahhhh...sorry Hoopsah but you just used one of my pet peeves...invariably.

it means "without exception" not "more often than not"....sorry, it's one of those grammar things that is drilled into me, so whenever it is used wrongly, it scapes down my spine line needles on a balckboard. I wish I didn't know it's true meaning :(

although I do often use your "can I ask another question" response, I also say "You just did, have another for free" :)

Here's one that came up this week "I was told by X that I could do it"...and of course...X says "I never said that"....so no one is to blame :)

Charlize

06-17-2008, 06:41 AM

...
Here's one that came up this week "I was told by X that I could do it"...and of course...X says "I never said that"....so no one is to blame :)That's why I only accept orders that are written down ... just in case.

Charlize

Bob Phillips

06-18-2008, 07:14 AM

OTWarrior

06-19-2008, 02:30 AM

Tell me about momentarily ... It means FOR a short period of time, not IN a short period of time as our cousins misuse it.

NOOOooooo another word that will annoy me when I hear it used wrongly ;)

Hoopsah

06-24-2008, 12:06 AM

so whenever it is used wrongly, it scapes down my spine line needles on a balckboard. I wish I didn't know it's true meaning :(

Wish this didn't just sound like sour grapes, but, you too have used one of my pet hates.

With access to the largest library in the world. With access to a thesaurus and multiple spell checkers..........I hate to see spelling mistakes, even Excel has a spellchecker. :think:

-----------------

One more office phrase though: Forward-Planning. Is there really any other kind of planning?

OTWarrior

06-24-2008, 12:19 AM

Sorry Gerry, I like to type fast and I often don't look at what I am typing until a few words in, so keep missing bad spelling. Plus, as you said, even Excel has a spellchecker, whereas firefox's one doesn't work with forums for some reason.

Being used to having my words corrected has made me into a much worse speller, even though I used to be good at spelling.

Another office annoyance that came up at a meeting the other day. We were discussing a certain process, and one of the leaders of the meeting said "But everyone here does things in a different way, and we have to cater for that".....I thought to myself "If everyone used the same process, wouldn't that make life alot easier?"

malik641

06-29-2008, 04:06 PM

This is a new one that's been happening to me.

"What time are you staying until?"

Like I want to answer that question because I know if I say something like "for about a half-an-hour", they almost always ask if I can get something done...and it's not even my boss!!

"Where does the time go?" still annoys me. I hear it like every week now. Can't people find something INTERESTING to do so they can REMEMBER where the time went? Where have all the hobbies gone???

OTWarrior

06-30-2008, 12:00 AM

"Where does the time go?" still annoys me. I hear it like every week now. Can't people find something INTERESTING to do so they can REMEMBER where the time went? Where have all the hobbies gone???

I now have visions of office workers fiddling with their model aeroplanes and knitting needles instead of working :D

Charlize

07-03-2008, 03:32 AM

Rephrase yourself ... What does that mean ? I just finished a 30 min. explanation of something with the possibility to ask a quick question in between to see if they grasp the idea. No questions asked by anyone. I get tired of those ...

Charlize

CreganTur

07-03-2008, 12:58 PM

Persoanlly, I cannot stand it when women > 30 yo use the phrase "off the chain"... actually I can't stand it when anyone uses that phrase. And when you add in the fact that they're saying this in a professional enviroment :mad2:

Also, "are you open to feedback" is another one. It's just a polite way of asking "can I grill you about some insignificant little thing that you did to annoy me just so I can make sure you know that it annoyed me so I can share my misery"

arkusM

11-18-2009, 08:11 AM

Annoying phrases:

- "we have always done it that way"
- "Ok why don't you(we) go ahead and.." A: because it is a bad idea??
- Always signing emails with "Thanks" no matter the context.
- "I'm fine" (I like the definition from The Italian Job (2003) Freaked out, Insecure, Nuerotic, and Emotional).
- "Can you [do my job for me]?" Request not from the boss
- "Action Item" - no kidding, we do things here? I thought that we were here for fun
- ditto on ASAP (from above somewhere)
- "It doesn't work" - right you got the computer from hell, it works fine on my machine.
- "Did you see the memo?" - do you mean email?
- "irregardless" - so it does matter?
That is all that I can think of at the moment I sure there are more...
(Maybe I just need to relax a bit!?!?)

Annoying Actions
- Relying on me to diagnose simple input errors, yes I built the model for you but the code runs fine and the error is because you didn't follow the directions.
- Missing the urnial and hitting the floor - What?? Stand closer pig
- Flush the urinal - What?? How hard is this??
- Hand sanatizer in the washroom?? - Redundant maybe?
- Email personalities that are demonic and mean. - Can't you bring yourself to be civil and not such a jerk?
- Requests to peers that are civil and with flexiable timelines that get ignored but when the same person requests info, you must drop everything and get them the info.- one word: Reciprocity

Don't get me wrong I am happy and enjoy helping people but sometimes...

OTWarrior

11-18-2009, 09:29 AM

Annoying Actions
- Relying on me to diagnose simple input errors, yes I built the model for you but the code runs fine and the error is because you didn't follow the directions.

Ahem brother, that is Sooooo what I have to put up with everyday.

User: "It's not working"
Me: "That is because you entered the end date before the start date"
User: "Huh...what do you mean"
Me: "It cannot end before it starts"
User: "Can't it?"
[Facepalm]

Today I was helping someone out and they said "You guys in IT just sit there trying to make our lives more difficult"....I wanted to slap them, but resisted the urge.

Tommy

11-18-2009, 02:14 PM

NOOOooooo

My daughter uses that a lot. We ask didn't he build the ark?

geekgirlau

11-23-2009, 03:16 PM

As any married man should realize, the cost of winning an argument, no matter how right you may be, is not worth the price you will pay.

Clearly you didn't read the fine print. It CLEARLY states that in accepting the male role in matrimony, you have relinquished any and all claims to being "right" in any and all disagreements with your spouse.

On occasion your spouse may choose to let you THINK you are right, but she is under no legal obligation to do so.

brettdj

11-23-2009, 08:06 PM

The fineprint only applies to those foolhardy specimens that failed basic matrimonial survival 101 which states:

There can be no disagreement as the women is never wrong.

Hoopsah

11-25-2009, 03:10 AM

The fineprint only applies to those foolhardy specimens that failed basic matrimonial survival 101 which states:

There can be no disagreement as the women is never wrong.

Think this goes along the same lines as A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Zack Barresse

11-29-2009, 11:04 AM

Clearly you didn't read the fine print...
Reading. Fine print. Nuff said. Heck no we didn't read it! We were drinking beer and laughing about how we thought we just won! :beerchug:

On occasion your spouse may choose to let you THINK you are right, but she is under no legal obligation to do so.
You mean women actually let their men think they've won?! Wow, I'm getting screwed.

Aussiebear

11-29-2009, 03:28 PM

Dear Diary........ Day 324526 navel inspection goes well..... Rumour has it the phrase knights are tilting at windmills again. They ought to read the stuff carved into the walls in here.....

:jail: Prisoner 365879

Aussiebear

11-29-2009, 03:32 PM

Wow, I'm getting screwed.

.....Elvis has left the building....

blaqk

01-19-2010, 09:18 PM

I hae when people say swell lol

ShamuKris

04-23-2010, 09:26 PM

"this day just isn't going any faster"

SuperFerret

05-07-2010, 08:34 AM

I hate when you hear your name float across the office in slow motion... it means someone wants to ask you a stupid question...

I cringe whenever I hear "Shaaaaaaaaroooooooooooon..." because I know a stupid question is on it's way. :motz2:

One of the managers here makes a point of shouting "Morning everybody!" incredibly loud when he enters the building on a Monday morning, I often wonder if he can feel my scowl burning into him for daring to be so cheery so early on a morning. :rofl:

davmec93

10-06-2010, 12:32 PM

The one phrase that shoots a spark down my spine is

"It is what it is"

I hate that soooo bad!

PhilC

10-07-2010, 01:44 PM

OTWarrior

10-11-2010, 07:14 AM

The most annoying reply phrase to the question "What's wrong with it?", invariably the answer comes back "It's broke."

Argh, I figured that much or you wouldn't be bothering me. Now tell me something I don't know.

If they say that, I ask "Well what did you do?" (Trying to find out what the problem is, obviously), more often than not they say "Nothing".
:banghead: They must have done something otherwise it would be fine.