Star Trek vs Microsoft

[Scottie P]

In another thread, I noticed something that reminded me of Star Trek. Then, of course my mind began wondering off into all of these strange places (which is nothing unusual - ask anyone who knows me). :eek:
Anyway, I couldn't help but start thinking about how much the Borg Collective reminded me of the Microsoft Corporation...can anyone else draw any lines between the two (Star Trek and MS, that is)? I'm curious.

I think it's the whole 'assimilate or be annihilated' thing.

S

[Paleo]

Well, considering that in a VBA (Microsoft) site we have Jedis and Siths I think it could be more like Star Wars and Microsoft, where the Linux world is the Empire. Go Jedis lets fight the Empire!:thumb

[Brandtrock]

I can see Bill Gates in his Office reviewing the Ferengi "Rules of Acquisition". Unlike the Borg Collective however, Gates and his minions have had great individual wealth created for them. The MS Millionaires club seems to fly in the face of the Collective comparison. On the other hand, the Borg do have that gigantic OLAP cube they fly around the universe in.

[Steiner]

And how about that last episode of Star Trek - The next Generation?


Picard: Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?

Geordi: Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology.

Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.



Riker [puzzled]: What the hell is Microsoft?

Data [turns to explain]: Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called Windows, through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate.

Picard: But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?

Data: Yes, Captain. But when Windows detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an upgrade. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions.

Picard: Excellent work. This is even better than that unsolvable geometric shape idea. . . . . 15 Minutes Later . . .



Data: Captain, we have successfully installed the Windows in the Borg's command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all available resources. However, we have not received any confirmation of the expected upgrade.

Geordi: Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity, but we still have no indication of an upgrade to compensate for their increase.

Picard: Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is something we have missed.

Data: Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the upgrade. Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards.

Riker: Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F!

Geordi: [excited] Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !

Picard: Data, what do your scanners show?

Data: [studying displays] Appearently the Borg have found the internal Windows module named Solitaire, and it has used up all available CPU capacity.

Picard: Let's wait and see how long this Solitaire can reduce their functionality. . . . . Two Hours Pass . . .



Riker: Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?

Geordi: As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more Windows modules from something called the Microsoft Fun-Pack.

Picard: How much time will that buy us?

Data: Current Borg solution rates allow me to predict an interest time span of 6 more hours.

Geordi: Captain, another vessel has entered our sector.

Picard: Identify.

Data: It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo...

[over the speakers] This is admiral Bill Gates of the Microsoft flagship MONOPOLY. We have positive confirmation of unregistered software in this sector. Surrender all assets and we can avoid any trouble. You have 10 seconds to comply.

Data: The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid-shaped objects.

Picard: Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!

Riker: My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight toward the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they survive the tortures of deep space?!

Data: I don't believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits.

Riker and Picard, together [horrified] Lawyers!!

Geordi: It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurdling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening.

Data: True, but appearently some must have survived.

Riker: They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of papers.

Data: I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as red tape. It often proves fatal.

Riker: They're tearing the Borg to pieces!

Picard: Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch. Even the Borg doesn't deserve such a gruesome death!

[Scottie P]

I cannot even reply to this...
:rotlaugh: :rofl :clap: :thumb

...I found an image from that episode...


http://www.piersontech.com/startrek.jpg

[Brandtrock]

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

:rofl:thumb:rofl:thumb:rofl

:beerchug:

That's what they get for trying to turn Picard into Locutus 1-2-3!!

[countingapples]

ROFL!!! :rofl :rotlaugh: :biggrinro :rofl2: :bgrlaugh:

[Ken Puls]

Steiner, I am at a loss for words! :rofl:rotlaugh::rofl

[Zack Barresse]

ROFLMFAOPMPL!!!!!

ROFLMFAO!@!!@!!@!

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!

Too Funny!! Hilarious!!

Scott: Love the archived pic!! :rofl

[johnske]

Steiner,

:rofl Absolutely, positively... BRILLIANT! ROFLMAO^10 :rotlaugh: :clap:

[Anne Troy]

Geeze. All we need is the audio.

[Ken Puls]

A long time ago, I had a friend who had some audio clip of Captain Kirk trying to destroy Barney (the big purple dinosaur). As I remember, Barney just would not die.

Now that irritating purple dinosaur haunts our televsision :(.

[Steiner]

Great pic Scott :rofl2: !

[Ken Puls]

:think:

Anyone else think that Steiner should volunteer to contribute to our newsletter? :rofl

[Steiner]

I don't think that would be good idea. Seems like I must state clearly that I did not create this text, this is just a translation of a German text I got a while ago and thought might suit in this thread, sorry if it looked otherwise!

So the praise actually should not go to my address!

[mdmackillop]

So you're a great amanuensis instead!

[Adaytay]

Try these for size :)

Ad

[Brandtrock]

I found this one while reading through some old e-mails a friend had sent me:

THE FROGSTAR STAR TREK
TEXT HUMOUR EMAIL ARCHIVE COLLECTION data95


IF LT. DATA RAN WINDOWS 95
==========================

WORF: Captain, there are three Romulan warships uncloaking dead ahead.

PICARD: On screen.

[The main viewing screen changes to a pattern of horizontal lines, each only a single pixel wide.]

PICARD: Data, what's wrong here?

DATA: Captain, the main viewscreen does not have sufficient video memory to display an image of this size. May I suggest that you select a lower resolution?

PICARD: Make it so.

[The screen blanks, and then an image appears, with big, blocky square pixels. Three objects appear in the center, which could be Romulan warbirds, but which actually look more like the aliens in Space Invaders.]

PICARD: Data, open a hailing channel to the Romulans.

DATA: Aye, sir.

[Data picks up an hourglass from the floor beside him, turns it over, and places it on the console in front of him. He punches some buttons on the console and sits motionless for several seconds. A flash of light blossoms from one of the Romulan ships on the viewscreen.]

WORF: Incoming plasma torpedo, Captain!

PICARD: Shields up!

DATA: I'm sorry, Captain, but I am still attempting to complete your last instruction. I must ask you to wait until I have finished before you issue your next command.

PICARD: What on earth do you mean? Data, this is *important*! I want those shields up *right now*.

DATA: I'm sorry, Captain, but I am still attempting to complete your last instruction. I must ask you to wait until I have finished before you issue your next command.

LAFORGE: Allow me, captain. [to Data] Control-alt-delete, Data.

[Data removes the hourglass from the console, and returns it to the floor.]

DATA: The Romulans are not responding to my hails. Press my nose to cancel and return to Windows. Pull my left ear to close this communications channel which is not responding. You will lose any information sent by the Romulans.

[LaForge pulls Data's left ear.]

PICARD: Shields...

[There is a tremendous explosion. The bridge shakes violently, and all the crew members are thrown to the floor. A shower of sparks erupts from Wesley Crusher's station at the helm, throwing Wesley back away from the console.]

PICARD: Up, Data!

DATA: Aye, sir.

RIKER: All decks, damage report!

WORF: Captain, Ensign Crusher is injured. He appears to be unconscious.

[Data picks up the hourglass again, places it on his console, and punches some more buttons. He waits a few seconds, then puts the hourglass back on the floor.]

DATA: Shields are now up, captain.

PICARD: And not a moment too soon. Worf, lock all phasers on the lead Romulan ship.

WORF: Aye, sir. [He punches buttons on the weapons console.]

PICARD: Mr. Data, take the helm, and prepare for evasive action.

DATA: I am sorry, sir, but I do not have the proper device driver installed for that console.

PICARD: Well, damn it, install the right one.

DATA: Please insert Setup Implant #1 in my right nostril.

PICARD: Number One, where do we keep Data's setup implants?

RIKER: I left them with Geordi.

LAFORGE: [in a surprised voice] What!!? I thought you still had them!

PICARD: Data, don't you have device drivers stored in your internal memory?

DATA: Not found, sir. Please insert Setup Implant #1 in my right nostril.

PICARD: Data, I don't *have* Setup Implant #1.

DATA: Not ready reading right nostril. Abort, Retry, Fail?

PICARD: Abort!

DATA: Not ready reading right nostril. Abort, Retry, Fail?

PICARD: Well, fail, then!

DATA: Current nose is no longer valid.

[Data walks over to the helm, and presses several buttons. The ship lurches, the images of the Romulan warships suddenly shift to one side of the viewscreen, and a high-pitched whining noise is heard coming from somewhere else in the ship.]

LAFORGE: [alarmed] Data, what the hell are you doing?

PICARD: Number One, do we have a customer service number for Data?

RIKER: Yes sir, but last time I tried to call them, I got put on hold for two hours before I was able to talk to anyone. And that person wasn't knowledgeable about androids of Data's model. She specialized in industrial control robots.

[Suddenly, the lights all go out, the viewscreen goes blank, and all the usual noise of fans, motors, and so on whines to a halt. After a few seconds, the red emergency lights come on. Data is standing by the console, absolutely motionless.]

PICARD: What's going on?

LAFORGE: [checking the helm console] Lieutenant Data has caused a General Protection Violation in the warp engine core.

PICARD: These androids look really sharp, but you can't really do anything with them.

[The shimmer of the transporter effect appears, and six Romulans in full battle dress materialize on the bridge. A seventh figure, a Ferengi, appears moments later.]

FERENGI: [with a mercenary grin] Can I interest you in a Macintosh, Captain?


data95

It is a bit dated of course, but I still chuckled.

Funny Link (http://www.panix.com/%7Eacohen/msfed.html)
Another One (http://www.st-minutiae.com/humor/windows_2375.xhtml#main)

[countingapples]

rofl! :rofl: