Does Your Spouse Understand What You Do?

[CreganTur]

First of all, I know the title says Spouse, but everyone who's in a dating relationship can participate too!

Whenever I try to talk to my wife about some cool new thing I either learned or did that involves programming, she gets this glazed over look to her eyes, signaling me that I've completely lost her. She freely admits to my friends that she really has no idea what I do, excep that it's programming.

I was wondering how common this is, and also expecting some good stories could come out of this topic.

[jayalanh]

I can relate! I used to try to share with my wife anytime that I have achieved a career altering Excel/Access VBA moment. She finally told me that as much as she wanted to be impressed, I might as well be speaking Spanish to her. A good slick vba operation can be a rush, and it is very difficult to find anyone, wife or boss, that really appreciates it, especially down here in Alabama.

[Henry]

Not only am I alone in the appreciation of a particularly slick VBA app, my hobby is autonomous robotics. Talk about blank stares...

[Bob Phillips]

I never show Lynne VBA. I have tried to show her some neat things in Excel proper, but she was just not interested.

My daughter seems to be more impressed by these tings, but I am not absolutely sure that she is not just being polite.

[Brandtrock]

My son wanted me to come to Career Day when he was a fifth grader and explain what I did to his class. I gave a brief two or three minute explanation of accounting/spreadsheet use that completely bored them. This was intentional. Once that they were completely glazed, I turned around the three laptops I was using. One with a blank Excel spreadsheet, one with a spreadsheet that created crosswords (yoinked from here I believe), and one with some pictures being displayed on a colored background. I asked them which one was a spreadsheet. They all bit and pointed to the blank Excel sheet.

When I told them that all three were spreadsheets and that the two they didn't choose as spreadsheets had some coding that made them seem different. I had some interest from the young 'uns now so I had them help me write a small loop that displayed each of their names in a message box from a list their teacher had given me. They asked a lot of questions and I went away feeling like they enjoyed my presentation.

Not the most earth shattering of accomplishments, but compared to explaining to my wife how cool my newest confabulation is, I did feel like I had communicated something positive. She loves making use of sheets I give her for her work, she just really could care less about how they do what they do.

[MaximS]

I've tried to explain some things to my lady but she's getting bored after about a minute of talking. All I can is just say something general i.e. what that doing rest is going to nowhere. It's like me listening about last episode of soap opera I've never seen.

Only positive thing is she's working in the same department so she's quite impressed and proud that her guy did something to run reports easier and faster.

[Simon Lloyd]

Hmmmm, if i talk about it she kind of turns her head towards me to listen but keeps her eyes fixed where they were before i interrupted with a slight nod up and down, with the occasional "yes", "thats good" or a plain "uhu!", if i do happen to get the gaze then yes its always glazed!!!

Is our hobby really that mind numbing or simply so stupendous that the average female simply cannot encapsulate its concept in a single thought?

[hitchcock]

she basically knows that i play with computers all day :)

[Tommy]

The LAST time my wife showed any interest in what I do she asked me what I did today. So me being me I told her "I have spent the last 3 days looking for a sixteenth of an inch." It turned out to be a rounding problem, but it took 3 1/2 days to pin it down to a particular place (500,000 lines of code). She spends her days looking for a couple of pennies here and there, accounting, I'll never understand accounting, it just doesn't add up. Everyone knows that 8 + 4 = 1'-0 not $1.20 .:mkay

Draftsman by trade, programmer cause I can.(this is what happens when you put a computer on a drafting table):devil2:

[Zack Barresse]

I have never showed Skye any of my VBA. I don't even tell her about it anymore. I used to show her the results of some fantabulous thing I learned, like dictionary items, looping through folders, importing/exporting data, whatever. She just isn't interested. Which is why I voted for "lights on, but nobody's home".

It's so bad with my wife that she won't even come to me for spreadsheet help. You know where she goes? Online. And not even to my site, to another man's site! I caught her cheating on me over at MrExcel.com. It's probably for the best. She did break down one time and let me make a spreadsheet for her. :D

[Simon Lloyd]

I have never showed Skye any of my VBA. I don't even tell her about it anymore. I used to show her the results of some fantabulous thing I learned, like dictionary items, looping through folders, importing/exporting data, whatever. She just isn't interested. Which is why I voted for "lights on, but nobody's home".

It's so bad with my wife that she won't even come to me for spreadsheet help. You know where she goes? Online. And not even to my site, to another man's site! I caught her cheating on me over at MrExcel.com. It's probably for the best. She did break down one time and let me make a spreadsheet for her. :DIf she's cheated once she'll do it again :), send her over to The Code Cage and we'll show her what she's been missing! :rotlaugh:

[Aussiebear]

There was once a time when Helen used to tell her friends that I was doing wonderful things with Excel & VBA..... Now days she tells her mother that I am wasting time in the office. So I'm with Cecil, and voted "lights on but no one is home"

[stanl]

I'm going over these posts with Nancy; she is pleased that it is programming that excites me and not that other word that begins with "P". Next weekend is our 36th anniversary.

A good marriage is like a good business, quite boring from the outside.

[Aussiebear]

Congratulations Stan & Nancy. 36 years is a long time. This might not quite be within the rules of this forum but both of you have a listen to this by Sarah Jory.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUj03XaOdDk&feature=related

[Bob Phillips]

I'm going over these posts with Nancy; she is pleased that it is programming that excites me and not that other word that begins with "P". Next weekend is our 36th anniversary.

A good marriage is like a good business, quite boring from the outside.

Blimey Stan, I always got the impression from your posts that you were a bright young thing. Very belated congrats.

[geekgirlau]

Is our hobby really that mind numbing or simply so stupendous that the average female simply cannot encapsulate its concept in a single thought?

Detecting a definite male bias here, so I thought I'd better jump in as the token female :filing: .

My partner has benefitted from my skills on a number of occasions, so he does attempt to show interest, although badly at times. By the same token, if he were to take me through an in-depth discussion of his field I would be bored stupid (plus, being a girl I'm sure it would go right over my head :tongue:). When I get a bit overexcited about something I've figured out, I'll try to explain it briefly, in general terms. I don't need him to understand what I've done, just that I'm thrilled to have worked something out that was bugging me, or to have found a solution to a problem.

I have on the odd occasion used him as a sounding board. I tell him that I don't need him to understand what I'm talking about, I just want to articulate the issue and for him to nod and make encouraging noises every now and again. Usually explaining it to another (albeit clueless) person clarifies the issue for me, at which point I thank him for his input. (Hmmm, just reread that sentence - he's not actually clueless, just on some specific issues like databases, code and why I have a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear simultaneously.)

Bottom line: you can communicate your enthusiasm and excitement without having to go into too much detail.

[Zack Barresse]

Very well said! :)

[arkusM]

How about "Vaguely gets it, but doesn't really care?" not in a mean way but "that's nice honey, what should we do tonight?" kinda way? LOL.

Like geekgirlau says it is hard not to be excited when you figure something out that has been bothering you, but my spouse generally does not appreciate the triumph of success, because she did not struggle through the problem in the first place. (plus the pregnacy hormonal imbalance probably does not help :))

[Aussiebear]

I tell him that I don't need him to understand what I'm talking about, I just want to articulate the issue and for him to nod and make encouraging noises every now and again.

Is he pointing to the beer fridge at this time?




Bottom line: you can communicate your enthusiasm and excitement without having to go into too much detail.

I've got to see this in action.....:devil2:

[SuperFerret]

Another female to add input! (glad i'm not alone geekgirlau)

My other half sits and nods when I try to explain what i've spent my day doing, but after a while of me getting excited about my acheivements and his encouraging nod, I find he's playing on his iPhone :(

But he stills see's fit to come to me (and swallow his pride) when he's stuck at work on something and needs assistance, I like to make him beg sometimes if he's being teasing me about it recently :devil2:

[Zack Barresse]

SuperFerret - are you sure you aren't related to geekgirlau? Or friends perhaps? :cool:

[shades]

Howdy, everyone. Zack, 'tis been a while, eh?

Although I have been away from Excel for 27 months (but who is counting?), I remember the times when I would come home and talk about something really great. Her response was, "Well, that's good, I suppose. Will it help you get a Promotion?"

Of course, we are soon approaching our 40th anniversary, so I'm not too surprised, since I have been a Math teacher, naval Intelligence Officer, pastor, analyst, and seminary president/professor. Don't know what I will do when I grow up.

[Zack Barresse]

Rich, my friend, I sincerely hope you never grow up. It brightens my day to hear from you! :D

And I don't think there's anything you couldn't do! LOL!

[ElGatito]

Personally, Tehcnophobe for sure : I have to install half her programs on her computer, and do her powerpoints. Even better, she never used Excel or Access... Do I need to go further ;)

[geekgirlau]

SuperFerret - are you sure you aren't related to geekgirlau? Or friends perhaps? :cool:

Of course, we're sisters (ALL women are, it's in the handbook) :tongue:

[Aussiebear]

Any copies available?

[geekgirlau]

I'm afraid you don't qualify to receive a copy :tease:

[Aussiebear]

I could give it to my daughters (after I've read it)

[geekgirlau]

They already have their own copy

[Zack Barresse]

I sincerely doubt this handbook's existence. Trickery! Like the Boogey Man. Scare tactics! (Please don't hurt me.)

[geekgirlau]

Whatever helps you sleep at night Zack :devil2:

[Bob Phillips]

I sincerely doubt this handbook's existence. Trickery! Like the Boogey Man. Scare tactics! (Please don't hurt me.)

Oh man,you are so wrong. It exists, it isn't a physical book, it is in the genes, but it exists.

[Simon Lloyd]

Oh man,you are so wrong. It exists, it isn't a physical book, it is in the genes, but it exists.Yes, i've always thought it's imprinted at birth!

They may look individual and dress individual but the mind set is a collective when changing modes from sarcastic, nagging, "i told you so!", SILENT (you gota hate silent mode!) to name but a few, the modus operandi is always exactly the same........Oh and Zack, they can hurt, they can be brutal, in fact i'm sure i see wifey smiling when doling out the pre-programmed responses, finger wagging, head shaking and face pulling :devil2:

[geekgirlau]

Poor Simon ... you've worked out the responses and yet you STILL manage to trigger them!


Sub SignificantOther_AfterAnnoyingBehaviour()
Select Case lngInfractionLevel
Case 1: Call EyeRoll
Case 2: Call Sarcasm
Case 3: Call Nagging
' ...
End Select
End Sub

[Aussiebear]

Don't fall for it Simon, it after all is part of the preprogramming that females are constantly trying to upload onto us. This is the real version


Sub SignificantOther_AfterAnnoyingBehaviour()
Select Case lngInfractionLevel
Case 1: Call FourHoursInBathroomButNotReadyYet
Case 2: Call 53OutfitsButNothingToWear
Case 3: Call WornOnceTossItAside
Case 4: Call IWantToTalkWhileTheNewsIsOn
Case 5: Call OhByTheWayMyMotherIsComingToStay
Case 6: Call HeWasSuchANiceBoyIDonatedYourGolfClubs
'.....
End Select
End Sub

[Simon Lloyd]

Case 6: Call HeWasSuchANiceBoyIDonatedYourGolfClubs That would end in the big "D" as i've only just started playing again................hmmmm maybe invoking Case 6 wouldn't be so bad as it would negate all other scenario's ;)

[Aussiebear]

That would end in the big "D" as i've only just started playing again................hmmmm maybe invoking Case 6 wouldn't be so bad as it would negate all other scenario's ;)

Keep your finger off the "D" button. Its not really worth going there.

[izza33]

2nd person to vote on 'Absolutely! (s)he's as big of a nerd as I am!'

My wife is also a Computer Science graduate, the same as me.

[Salient]

My Wife is a web designer, and a whiz with CSS so knows her way around javascript etc ... who's the bigger geek in our family, I do vba, visual basic and php ;)

She has recently tossed in the keyboard in order to pursue a career as a baker ... she now refers to herself as a "cake geek" :)

[Brandtrock]

She can still claim that work is a piece of cake either way.

[Aussiebear]

Yeah..... I'm with Manneshof, sleep comes before an understanding