Okay, propably too late for you, but this helped me and might help others:
You can ".Installed=False" the AddIn, you can ".Delete" the AddIn (as you mentioned) and - tadaaa! - you can delete the file using "Kill(oAddin.Name)". That will physically remove it for the entire outside world. BUT you will still see it in the AddIns-list until you close Word, and you can not use FileCopy or anything to recreate it, as Word thinks this AddIn is still there until you close Word.